ShittyVapeShopExterior
The pink chair really complements the tacky neon signs.

If, for some reason, you choose not to buy your vapes online, you most likely experience something similar to this when going to a vape shop:

You drive out to the shitty part of town, and pull up to some run-down, decrepit looking strip mall and park your car. You get out, lock the doors, and push past 4 or 5 bums begging for change before you finally get to the front door of the shop that is wedged in between an adult store and a Mexican taco shop that is always changing owners because the previous one was serving food infected with e-coli. Before you open the door with the worn-out blinking neon signs you panic because you can’t remember if you locked your door so you double-click the lock button on your keychain just to make sure.

When you get inside, some bro wearing a flat brimmed baseball cap with “vapelyfe” tattooed on his arms glances over at you from behind the counter with a look of annoyance, like you’re the biggest douchebag in the world for interrupting his important conversation with the other dude who also looks like he stepped out of an Ed Hardy commercial. When this “employee” finally decides that you aren’t going to go away, he begrudgingly makes conversation with you and tries to scam you into paying full price for an obvious clone that he claims is authentic.

ShittyVapeShopExterior2
I think they were going for the “authentic” vibe with the hand written writing painted on the window.

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY!?

Vaping was supposed to be a more noble product. It was supposed to be a healthier product that saved cigarette smokers from certain horrible death due to lung cancer. There wasn’t supposed to be any elitism, just a bunch of people trying to not get cancer and die.

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But now it’s devolved into a bunch of snooty weirdos hanging out in shit looking vape shops, playing Xbox and talking about “chucking tits”, pressuring old people who just want to quit smoking into buying overpriced mechanical mods with RDA’s instead of guiding them towards the more practical basic starter vape pens.

The reasons why vape shops are so shitty are as follows:

The employees are fucking retards

They act like elitist shitheads who will try to make you feel bad if you’re not vaping exactly the way they are. Even worse, half of the time they have no idea what they are talking about. This can have potentially serious consequences when it comes to safety. I once had a friend who was new to vaping who brought in a damaged battery to ask if it was still safe to use. The guy behind the counter told him it was fine. Of course, it later started a fire. That employee is still working there to this day.

The “regulars” are weird and act like they have Aspergers

Every time I go to a vape shop I see the exact same weirdos hanging out, trying to in engage me in awkward spergy vape conversations and blowing huge, obnoxious clouds in my face. Even worse, they’re usually buddies with the the employees, and sometimes insist on talking to them for half an hour about nonsense while a potential paying customer (me) is waiting.

Read:  Support the Fight for the Right to Vape

There’s too much competition

Most people who started vape shops are idiots with no business sense. They saw that vaping was becoming popular and decided that this was their chance to quit McDonald’s and become rich. The only problem is that’s what every other idiot was thinking. The competition means that they have to cut costs any way they can, and one way is by operating their business out of a shithole.

Some vape shops are awesome though

If you’re someone who works at or owns one of the ~5% of vape shops that isn’t in a ghetto area, doesn’t have retarded employees, and isn’t a hang out for goofy looking weirdos in flat brimmed caps, then none of this applies to you. Unless you’re one of the ones that just copies the Apple Store design (minimalist with a few products on display). In which case you still suck, but at least you pretend to care with your lack of originality.

Do you own or work at a B&M vape shop? Tell me why you hate me below!

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J.R. Reynoldson

About J.R. Reynoldson

VaporVanity co-founder J.R. Reynoldson spends 364 days per year wishing that it was 4/20. He is easily offended by your comments.

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J.R. Reynoldson

J.R. Reynoldson

VaporVanity co-founder J.R. Reynoldson spends 364 days per year wishing that it was 4/20. He is easily offended by your comments.

  • Smoking Man

    It’s true I’m pretty new to vaping and I’ve gone to a few in my area and every one I’ve been to is a complete fucking shithole. There all in a tattoo shop and I go in there and there’s these tattooed guys behind the counter. Then while checking out their selection you notice some bottles half fucking full or the safety cap has been compromised. Meanwhile the buzzing of the tattoo gun by a biker named Duke! I can’t for the life of me find a place around me I feel safe buying e juice from. I’d rather cough up $20 for juice then buy the bathtub water for $10

    • LOL at half full bottles of juice. That’s ridiculous.

  • Undrpsi

    I live in a podunk town and almost over night we have 5 Vape stores.
    One is “Outer Banks Beach” Shop…for the 50 and over crowd. Lots of pen setups and good in-store juice with lot’s of ‘beachy’ decorations.
    Three are like the story…in strip malls with blaring ‘screamo’ music and guys in black T-shirts who act like God himself gave them the right to sell stuff.
    We just got our first lounge “Kure Vapes” and man!…nice. Slightly nerdy salesmen who know the basics and don’t try to upsell…much. They have a GREAT selection of E-Juice and their own line that they can mix at the ‘bar’ just for you. They are in an upscale area (Ben&Jerry’s is next door and a Monkey Joes is on the other side). I’ve been there 3 times in 2 weeks already.
    Now we just have to get those clowns who stand outside doors blowing clouds…WTF? Yeah…you’re cool…you vape…just not while I’m trying to get into Denny’s or Outback…ok?

    • Jon

      Was just in Duck and checked out a couple vape shops in OBX. Some were obviously tabaco/head shops that just whipped up some vape products (think gas station starter kits) to cash in on the growing trends. I did manage to find a great shop in Kitty Hawk named Outer Vapes. The douche level was very low, the shop was very clean, & the staff was friendly, helpful, & very attentive even while busy.

  • Rich Hicks

    I work in a shop in maine. We have a lack of brick and mortar shops around. One of our competitors is a shop like you describe. I will not step foot in there because of it. At my location we strive to provide the right vape for the right person. New to vape I would never send off someone with a mech and rda. People see the clouds from sub ohm vaping and think hey I want that. However it’s not for the right for that person. Lots of great mods and set ups that are available that will give you a satisfying vape, that are not super high powered. Vapping should be a progression. Start out with a device that will help with the transition from analog to vape. Then after awhile if you find your looking for something more, then by all means look into other devices. But safety frist, above all. One mis informed/ unknolagable customer that blows his/her face up is bad for everyone in the industry. So taking the time with customers even in the smallest way is important. Personally I would rather sell 100 pen style vapes over one 150 watt box if that means, getting the right device into the right hands

    • Too bad most shops don’t have the same mentality that you do. If they did there would be a lot less news articles about “exploding e-cigarettes.”

  • Travis Flack

    I think elitism goes both ways – my shop is extremely small, but we make it work with space and originality. I love all my regulars because they know when and how to input advice. 98% of conversations between regulars and rookies can be steered by the person selling or explaining a product. Cloud chaser elitism has unfortunately brought in an influx of The Douche. It has become the restaurant from Saved By The Bell. You have to remember that these people were most likely former smokers, and even if one habit changes, personality does not. Great article. I think most of these shops are going to have problems either way.

    However, I do like my SnapBack – this doesn’t mean Ethel will get a 200W mod to start out.

  • Eric McPherson

    Lmao, you’re so right about most of the shops out there, as a shop owner, I applaud this article.

  • Rojeans

    Well, I’m a vape shop owner (5 years now) and you might be surprised to know that I agree with you 100%. But then, I’m old school.