It’s Not the Gear, It’s You (Part 3, the Epic Conclusion)

This being the long expected third part in our already established – and universally acclaimed – Vaping Stupidity Trilogy, surely helps in that we won’t have to waste time in typical introductions. Why spend your – and, more importantly, our – time by re-telling how the hero’s parents were shot in an alley, driving him to become At-Man, the hero IT never deserved? We’ll dive straight into more stories that show how for a small but quite visible group of vapers, maybe smoking would be, indeed, safer in the long run.

Read Part 1 here.

Read Part 2 here.

The entitled little fairy

There’s a special kind of snowflake appearing on forums and the comments section of vaping sites, asking. For whatever. It may be advice on what to buy, an answer to a very specific problem, an opinion on a piece of gear. Typical stuff, right? Yeah, apart from the fact that, for this one-of-a-kind individual, all the information he’s seeking is right in front of his eyes.

It’s just that he’s refusing to look at it ‘cause, hey, it’s easier to make YOU do all the “hard work” and “all the thinking and stuffs” for him, providing a simplified answer a monkey could understand. Like “press A to continue”.

This kind of individual probably grew up learning from Disney flicks that he’s a true princess, the whole world at his fingertips, rushing to do his bidding. So, rush. Do his bidding. Read the manual for him, explaining how to put a device into stealth mode, and then tell him “press the fire button three times”. His time is more important than yours, so go, shoo, find and read the manuals for each and every piece of gear he’s got and stay on standby, waiting for him to bless you with one of his questions.

McGuyver to the rescue

Many seasoned vapers live by the mantra “two is one and one is none”. Loosely translated from the language of the Ancients, it means “if you’ve got one piece of gear, and it breaks, you’ll find yourself unable to vape. So, also buy backups”. Words of wisdom, indeed.

Can’t you do anything, though, if your only gear breaks in the middle of the night? So what if you’re a bit intoxicatenineten? You’ll fix it yourself, damn it, even if it’s the last thing you’ll ever do! Here, take notes from the following professors.

The Unnamed Dude had his beloved box mod with him for more than a year. Batteries-in, batteries-out, it endured life’s misfortunes and kept chugging along. But the marks of time were visible. Its body scratched, its paint long chipped. One of the regulation “up/down” buttons sticking in after every other press. And one of the battery contacts bent beyond repair. That wouldn’t deter The Unnamed Dude, for he knew of a solution: tin foil. Bent into shape and placed between one of the batteries and the metal contact. There. Fixed. Now, try not to sneeze.

The Angry Chap had a different problem. He had broken his atomizer’s glass tank. “By mistake”, he said, and honestly believed. “It’s their fault – they should make them from unbreakable transparent Adamantium, like Wolverine’s claws… but transparent” he thought. While gluing together the broken pieces of the tank. He made sure to spread glue everywhere on the glass, not only along the cracks but also inside and out, thoroughly, to make sure it wouldn’t fall apart when he tried vaping. Ah, there’s nothing like glueberry-flavored clouds!

I suffer when I vape

Many people like peanuts. Peanuts are, at least for the people liking them, great. They’re tasty, they’re nutritious, they’re what killed uncle Tom. There’s a reason for the “contains peanuts!” found in stuff that… well… contains peanuts. Because some people are allergic to them. See where we’re going with this?

It’s quite common for at least one post to pop up in any semi-popular online site or forum, asking for ideas regarding a physical pain felt while vaping. Or after. Once or twice, even before. Vaping.

Let’s see why this is a problem by using a logic riddle: how can a user on the other end of the globe, equipped with a typical PC, or laptop, or smartphone, present a diagnosis regarding your feeling of pain? Especially while keeping in mind that, quite probably, a) he’s not a doctor and b) he’s got no way of actually doing what an actual doctor would, all this “checking you up” thing,

We still haven’t solved it.

On top of that, we just have to ask: if you bang your hand with a hammer, you’ll feel pain and probably never do it again. If you feel pain while vaping, how come you haven’t stopped forcing yourself to do it (before rushing to the nearest hospital for a full checkup)?

There’s a joke for that. Really. Allow me: someone goes to the doctor and, while prodding at different parts of his body with his finger, he says “Doc, when I do this, and this, and this, it hurts”. The doctor looks at him and calmly says “Then, don’t do it!”.

The bestest gear

When money’s not a problem (since mommy and daddy are doing all the paying), people tend to want THE BEST gear. In capitals. To emphasize how bestest it has to be in comparison to all the typical un-best gear available.

People may point how there isn’t, actually, a “generally-best” peace of gear, how some atomizers are best for one style of vaping, how mods can be regarded as replaceable one-cell pocketable fads-of-the-month or hefty metal slabs you worship when at your desk. And ask the person behind the original question “what are his preferences” as far as the specific piece of gear goes and, of course, what is the amount of money he’s prepared to part with for the really good, “best”-level object of his desire.

“Around twenty bucks” is usually the answer.

My mod gets hot

Physics and common sense are two things that some vapers want to know nothing about. It’s painfully obvious someone doesn’t “get” how our world works when he asks “why is my mod getting hot when I’m vaping?”.

Other users usually come to the rescue. “Your mod might be malfunctioning”, says one of them. “Your batteries might be reaching the end of the line”, says another. People generally try to be helpful and assist the Physics-challenged vaper who tries to solve his mysterious problem. What could it be, making his mod mysteriously heating up? What? And then, the conversation usually goes like this.

–  Are you by any chance chain vaping?

– Yes!

– At high wattages?

– Yes!

– So, your tank gets hot, right?

– Yes!

– You know what “energy transfer” is?

– …

– Since your tank gets hot…

– Yes!

– …and it’s in touch with your mod…

– …yes!?…

– Isn’t it normal for it to heat up? You know, with a hot atomizer touching it, the heat from there transferred to the mod…

– …

– When you’re not chain vaping, it doesn’t get as hot, right?

– …yes!?…

– You still don’t understand it, do you?

– …yes!?…

It’s safe, it’s not in flames anymore

Reaching the end of our journey into the realms of Vaping Stupidity, we realized how hard it would be actually reaching the very end. What could we save for last? What would be a fitting end after all the… er… “cases” we talked about? How could the series end with a bang? And then we fell on a post similar to what follows. As before, this is just a retelling of the story as we read it, not a copy-paste. Names of placed and individuals are not mentioned for obvious reasons. We don’t know if any pets (or other stuff) were harmed.

So… Improving on the “my mod is hot” group of users, a select few (okay, just one – you know who you are) posted the equivalent of what follows:

“Hey, people! I don’t know how or what happened, if it was the batteries or the device, but my mod burst into flames. It left a mark on my desk, as well as the floor where it fell. Fortunately, I managed to take out the batteries and put out the fire”.

The punchline comes right after the photos of his semi-melted mod:

“So, is it safe to use?”

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